This week Pete Hughes announced his retirement from his regular writing contributions for Happy Cow so that he can concentrate on the very important task of doing nothing at all. We will be sad to see Pete go, although he informs us that he may still make the odd appearance with any new Elf Tales that arise. We have searched the length and breadth of Brilliant Street to find a replacement, and are this week delighted to introduce our new resident contributor, the one and only Swifty Flame-Anderson.
In the following interview, Pete attempts to find out what makes Swifty tick and what he might have in store for our readers.
PETE
Hello Swifty. May I take this opportunity on behalf of our readers to welcome you to the Happy Cow team.
SWIFTY
It is an honour to be a small part of the joy.
PETE
That is very gracious of you. I am sure that you will play a big part. Perhaps the readers would like to get to know a little bit about you. Can you tell us a little bit about your background?
SWIFTY [looking over his shoulder]
Well, Pete, there is a wall with some pictures blu-tacked onto it and also a map of Narnia which shows the best places to visit should you stumble there through a piece of furniture or something. Just to the left of this is the door into the kitchen on which one of my daughters has drawn a big love heart and a smiley face in permanent marker.
PETE
I see. Mmm. That was not quite what I meant, but thank you. You have quite an unusual accent. I can't quite place it. Where does it come from?
SWIFTY
Well, according to the boffins, breath passes through my vocal cords and causes them to vibrate. Then the cavities in the head help to amplify the resulting sound. Changes in the shape of the lips, tongue, lower jaw and soft palate cause the sounds we can recognise as different words to be formed.
PETE
Thank you for that lesson, Swifty. I can see that I am going to have a little difficulty leading this interview. But I will press on. Can you tell our readers what plans you have with regard to your writing for Happy Cow?
SWIFTY
Plans? Sorry, you've lost me there, Pete.
PETE
Well, you must have some kind of idea about what things you intend to write. What are you going to write for us this week for instance?
SWIFTY
Did you say 'must'? Ha ha! I am sorry, I do not mean to mock you. Just that words like 'must' and 'should' always make me chuckle.
PETE
OK, what writing plans have you chosen?
SWIFTY
Ha ha ha! Plans! You said it again! Please stop this now. You are making my sides hurt.
PETE
OK, Swifty, I will try again. What do you intend to write this week?
SWIFTY
I intend to write whatever appears on the screen when writing begins.
PETE
You must have some idea what that is going to be, though.
SWIFTY
Ha ha! You said 'must' again! Must we use must? Do things have to be? Or may we remain Unbounded and free?
PETE
I think I will move on. If we are unbounded and free as you say, why is it that you choose to write?
SWIFTY
Writing chooses me, my friend. I have no say in the matter.
PETE
So you are not free then?
SWIFTY
When writing happens, freedom is so pure that I am not.
PETE
That doesn't seem to make any sense, Swifty.
SWIFTY
It doesn't? OK. How about we leave it that way?
PETE
Leave it as nonsense?
SWIFTY
Is there really ever anything else?
PETE
Well, thank you Swifty for taking the time to speak with us today. I am sure the readers will look forward to finding out what nonsense you have in store for us in the coming weeks.
SWIFTY
My pleasure, Pete. We MUST do it again some time!
If you have an inspiring tale or some interesting philosophy to share with us, please feel free to e-mail your ideas to
contributions@happycow.org.uk.
Get a regular dose of happiness in your e-mail inbox when you sign up for Happy Cow's Weekly Moos e-mail newsletter!
Join the Happy Cow Facebook Group!
|
