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(Continued from Page 1)
"I'm sorry," Tallina sobbed. "I didn't know where else to go." Dave immediately stepped beside Tallina, putting one arm around her shoulder as the other arm kept the door open. He ushered her inside and sat her down at a nearby table, nodding to George to lock the doors again behind them. For a few moments, Tallina said nothing. She sat in her chair with the fingers of both hands rubbing her forehead, her hands hiding the tears which continued to roll down her cheeks. Magic Dave sat patiently opposite her, waiting for her to calm down enough to speak. With a look and a hand gesture he asked George to bring them a pot of tea and then to make himself scarce.
Eventually, Tallina lowered her hands and slowly looked up at Magic Dave. Dave poured a cup of tea from the pot, added milk and sugar, and then pushed it across the table to her. He continued to sit calmly in silence, waiting for Tallina to speak. In a very timid voice, she thanked him for the tea, took a couple of sips and then put the cup back down on its saucer. Dave looked her in the eye and raised his eyebrows very slightly, inviting her to speak. Tallina opened her mouth to speak, but her facial expression indicated that she was struggling to formulate the words. Seeing this, Magic Dave decided to help her out.
"Who did this to you?" Dave asked, his eyes resting on the bruising on Tallina's face.
"I'm such an idiot," Tallina eventually mumbled. "Why do I always mess things up? Why?"
"You are not an idiot, Tallina. We all make mistakes. That is how we learn. What do you think you have messed up?" Dave asked gently, being careful to include the word 'think' in his question.
"Everything," Tallina moaned. "Like I always do. Look at me. How did I let this happen? Why? I'm so stupid. Now everything is ruined."
"Why don't you tell me what has happened? Who did this to you?" Dave asked, although he was fairly sure he already knew the answer.
"Jason did it. I can't believe I didn't see it coming. He's just like all the others. Well, all except...." Tallina stopped herself mid-sentence. "It started after St Patrick's Day. You remember I was in here? Jason kept going on and on about Walter. He said he saw the way I looked at him. I told him that Walter and I were finished, but he wouldn't listen. He kept on and on about it, day after day. Eventually I told him I had had enough, that I didn't want to see him any more. That is when he turned really nasty. I can't believe I didn't see this coming. I'm so useless."
"Do me a favour Tallina, will you?" Dave asked as he got up and walked over to the bar. "While you are talking to me, I would prefer it if you stopped putting yourself down. OK?" Tallina looked up at Dave, surprise in her face. She had not even been consciously aware that she was doing it.
"OK," she eventually agreed.
"How did you feel when you saw Walter?" Magic Dave gently guided the conversation forward.
"That's just it. I don't know. I'm so confused. I mean, I did feel so very emotional at that moment. But I don't understand why. I don't understand what the emotions were. I don't know why I felt them. I thought I had forgotten about Walter." A look of anguished confusion was plain to see on Tallina's face. "Did Walter say anything about me?" She asked.
"I'm sorry, Tallina," said Dave. "If you want to know what Walter thinks, you will have to ask him yourself. We magic barmen have to keep a strict code of confidentiality and impartiality. Our effectiveness and the trust of those we help depends on it."
"Of course. I am sorry." Tallina apologised.
"That's quite all right," Dave reassured her. "You don't ever need to apologise to me. No magic barman will ever judge you. Would you like to tell me why you broke up with Walter?"
Tallina did not answer for some time. She looked down and to her left, slowly bringing back memories of all the feelings that she had had during the times she had spent with Walter. A single tear began to slowly run down her left cheek. Sensing her struggle, Magic Dave went behind the bar and took a plain glass bottle of what looked a lot like whisky from the highest shelf. He poured some into a small glass and returned to the table, sliding the drink across to Tallina.
"Drink this," Dave said. "It will help you." Tallina picked up the glass of what she thought was whisky and took a sip. She was surprised to find that it tasted sweet and palatable. She quickly drank the rest and almost instantly felt a sense of calm stillness and clarity come over her.
"At first I thought that Walter was everything I wanted. He was handsome, interesting, funny, kind, gentle and so very loving. He never once said a cross word to me. He treated me like an equal. He seemed to be really interested in me. He was also rather wonderful in bed. I really did love every moment I spent with him. But when he was not there, something didn't feel right. I was so confused. I didn't understand how this could be. Walter ticked all the right boxes, yet somehow I still wasn't satisfied. At times I felt overwhelmed by his love and I felt scared. I felt like I didn't deserve it, like he didn't really know me. I felt like sooner or later he was going to find out what I am really like and when he did, his loving would stop. That's what always happens. I always mess things up. I couldn't go on like that. I wouldn't be able to take that pain. It was better to end it before I got in too deep. It was better to run away. For a couple of weeks I was in turmoil. Walter kept trying to contact me, but I ignored him. I had to. If I had not, I might have changed my mind."
"Then along came a motorbike elf?" Dave asked.
"Yes. That's right. I fell for it like I always do. Jason can be incredibly charming when he chooses to turn it on and I needed an escape. I needed some excitement to get my mind of things. If there's one thing that Jason is which Walter is not, it's exciting. Like a rollercoaster ride. One minute the most charming elf in the wood, the next hardly giving me the time of day. And like I always do, I got on the ride and took all his crap just for a few brief highs. The thing is, if you asked me now who I want the most, it would still be Jason every time. I wish I didn't, it doesn't make sense in my head, but I do."
"Would you like me to help you make sense of it?" Dave asked Tallina.
"Oh, I would. I really would. This isn't just now. It's been like this all my life. The same pattern. The same outcome. I never learn. I just can't seem to change it. I can't help who I fall for, can I?" Tallina's voice betrayed a real sense of desperation.
"A few moments ago you mentioned that you felt overwhelmed by Walter's love. You said that you felt like you didn't deserve it, that he would find out 'what you are really like'. You described how Walter treated you with complete love and respect. With Jason it was different. He charmed you and gave you fun times when he felt like it, but when he did not, he would not give you the time of day and, of course, now your face shows us just how much he really cares about you. Which one of these two fellers would you say matches the way that you view and treat yourself?"
Still calm and clear from drinking The Elixir, it was now obvious to Tallina the message that Dave was trying to give her. She almost laughed with relief. The confusion that had troubled her for most of her adult life dissolved in a moment.
"If you want to break this pattern, Tallina, you need to start by looking at how you treat yourself. Just steer clear of all men for a while. No man can ever make you feel complete. You are already complete. You are already the perfect Tallina Breeze. Learn to love yourself again. What has happened in the past does not matter. This is a new day, a new beginning. You are worthy of love. We are all worthy. Have a little practice every day at treating yourself to the love and respect you really do deserve. With a bit of practice, I know you can do it."
Tallina was now feeling an immense sense of relief. As a weight that had borne down on her for many years was lifted, tears streamed down her cheeks and fell into the now empty Elixir glass.
<< Tallina's Turmoil Page 1
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